There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
