My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
