I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
