Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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