Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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