You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
