why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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