I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
