We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
