how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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