Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
