I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
