Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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