I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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