Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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