i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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