Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
my liver is dry heaving
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
