a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
