: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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