idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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