So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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