WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
