also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
