I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
