My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
