rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
