He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
