I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
