Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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