That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
