i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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