Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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