don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
