i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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