guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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