Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
