I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
