what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
