Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
