we're chasing vodka with high fives
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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