I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
