i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
