I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
