Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
