Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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