All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
