I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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