Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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