roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
