I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's the barista slut.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
