yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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