i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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